The Aftermath

While I sit here in front of my laptop, reflect the things that happened the past few months and try to put into words what happened in my first semester of law school, it's now clear to me the parallels of law school with my output in life.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed reading the cases assigned in my classes. I loved the Socratic method in class most especially when I see my classmates able to answer with all their might our God-like professors. Most of all, I like the practicality of studying the law, and the skills being practiced in law school. But I guess I just realized the beauty of law school in the latter part of the semester.

I'm not happy with the outcome of my hard work. But the silver lining in this situation is the fact that I'll be coming back next semester. And I'm not going to start my semester with fear or the feeling of failure, just like what happened last time. I'm not going to face my cases nor readings with scorn. And I'll face my recits with calm and the belief that I could do it.

My first semester in law school has definitely revealed my weaknesses. But on the bright side, I know I can still improve. So this is a reminder to myself that it is okay to stumble once in a while in law school. What I need to do is to bounce back as fast I can in order to prepare myself from the other perils or possible scenarios in law school.

It's time to move on and get ready for the next semester with hope.

Sa Totoo Lang.

Oo na. Sige na. Aaminin ko na.

Miss na miss ko na ang UP. Miss ko na ang AS kung saan halos lahat ng klase ko ay ginaganap.
Miss ko ang Main Library na kung saan kung saan ako’y natutulog at syempre nag-reresearch din. Miss ko na ang sunken garden na kung minsan ako’y nakaupo doon at nagmumuni tungkol sa buhay, pag-ibig (chos) at iba pa. 

Miss ko na ang acad oval kung saan ako nag-jojogging para mawala sa isip ang mga problema.
Miss ko ang Rodics, ang Shopping Center at ang area 2.
Miss ko na ang CASAA. Miss ko nang kumain ng pagkain na hindi mamahalin.  

Nakakaiyak na nagmumuni ako ng ganito. Bakit ngayon ko ‘toh ginagawa? Sobrang laki na ba ng mga problema ko kung kaya ganito ang ginagawa ko? :( Nakakaiyak.

On Smokes and Cigarettes

I started smoking on September 20, 2013. 

I try to remember the reason I picked up my first cigarette. I think it was because it was hell week at that time, or because I was feeling the pressure and stress from other things outside school.Or was it because I didn't see my crush on that day? I really can't remember, maybe I was just bored with my life and I want to do something different. 

The first smoke was  awkward. I didn't know to light the stick. I didn't know how to hold the cigarette. Should I hold it between my two fingers? My first puff wasn't even that memorable. After finishing my first cigarette, I vouched never to smoke again. But after two hours, I went to the only place where cigarettes are being sold. I bought two and told myself once again never to smoke again. Lo and behold there was a party that night. I think I  smoked half a pack. Talk about promises right. 

The height of my addiction started in the early weeks of February. At the start of the year my resolution was to smoke one cigarette only in one week. But I guess I let the stress get into me that I started smoking 3-5 cigarettes a day. 

I finally felt the effects of smoking when I went biking after not doing so for two weeks. After biking uphill in a road I usually pass by, I couldn't breathe and I had to stop at the side of the road. I remember breathing as hard as I can. I was getting a little woozy and I clearly remember heavy chest pains. I was with my dad (who have no clue I was smoking) and he was wondering why I stopped unexpectedly in a path I usually take. That was when I realized, I had to stop. 

It's been 8 days since I had my last smoke. And it's killing me. Whenever I see someone smoking, I have this urge of asking him/her for a cigarette. And whenever I am in a convenience store, I have clench my fists to resist from buying a pack of (very expensive) cigarettes. 

I am posting this blog because I just want to record that I really want to quit. I'm quite sure I might smoke again in the future. So if you see me with a cigarette, can you just approach me and instead of slapping my face or cursing me, just give me a hug or any sign of affection. I think that's what most addicts want to feel. That despite of the bad stuff, someone is still there right beside them for support and all. 

PS. If you're reading this Mom and Dad, I'm sorry you have to learn it this way. But don't worry about me. I'm okay. I'm okay. 

Thoughts on My Sister's Keeper

Relationships. We all have varying degrees of relationships with the people around us. For some we can share the most intimate thoughts, while for some whom we only share the mundane day-to-day activities required to make life supposedly easier. What we fail to realize is that these relationships do not last long and once the bonds formed in these relationships are strained, it will take a huge turn of events in order to mend the bond.

My Sister's Keeper is a story about relationships. The complexity of the story does not only end with the Fitzgerald family, who are the main characters in the book. It also extended to Alex and Julia. Jodi Picoult was able to mesh an intricate web of relationships with the addition of emotional attachment. I have to admit I was distressed after reading the book. Never did I imagine a sudden plot twist as what I have read in the last few pages of  My Sister's Keeper.

The Year 2013: The Year that Was

I think that the best way to start the year is to have a retrospect of what happened in the past year. You try to weigh-in your accomplishments, changes, and unattained goals that you want to continue this year. But for me, another reason why I want to do this is because I didn't really like 2013.

If I compare 2013 with 2012, I have to say that the 2012 me was more energetic and active. I think I had a lot more of accomplishments in 2012 than in 2013. But I guess the reason why I feel that way is because of the events that happened in 2013.

I wasn't really able to reel in to what happened in the first quarter of 2013. It had a domino effect towards the year. I was passive in almost everything. And I was afraid. What's worse was that I didn't end the year right. I did a lot of stupid things in the last months of the year. At the time I was doing, I only thought that moment, but I didn't really think of the consequence or what might happen after that.

If there is a consolation, I think the best part of 2013 was that I my network broaden. I met so many people last year and I just realized how important communication is. I hope that this year I get to meet more people as I try to venture to things I believe I'm passionate about.

That's one more thing. Passion. I haven't really thought of what I'm passionate about. But now, I'm banking on two things. I want to focus on these for this year.

I'm not good at keeping resolutions, so I'll do what Gretchen Rubin did in her book. Every month she had a new set of resolutions. I have mine too, and I'll dedicate another blog for that.

With that all said and done, I say goodbye 2013 and hello 2014 :)

In the Hope of a Fresh Start

About a few weeks ago, I read Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project". For a period of one year, she was able to accomplish a list of resolutions which gradually improved her happiness. Because of her work, I am inspired to follow her.

One of her resolutions was to keep a blog. I've made a couple of blogs before, but I never really updated them. Now being inspired with Gretchen Rubin's work, I'll try my best to update this blog.

This blog will contain the most random of things. But surely, this blog will contain my opinion about almost anything under the sun. I think what's different about this blog is my purpose to write. Before, I wrote because I wanted people to follow me. Now, after too many failed attempts of creating a blog, I realized that I should write first for myself. Because at the end of the day, the primary purpose of this blog is to view the world through my own perspective, my own lens.